She's BACK! And She's New and Improved!

Upgraded chest, splendid attitude, AND a new gig! I am the new Director of Communications for Exterran, a global company providing compression services and products to the natural gas industry. We're headquartered in Houston and have 11,000 employees in 30 countries, nearly half of those employees outside the US. I am calling in all of my favors to find out everything I can about communicating internationally and interculturally. I'll take all ideas, stories, etc.

But most important, I am so happy to have a new career. The support of my friends and family has gotten me here.

Oh. The photo? Me (note new chest and cat face; cat face is not permanent but chest is) and Beth and Rocky at the Origin Design party. With a real live angel. Honest.

I PROMISE TO UPDATE THE DAMN BLOG WEEKLY.

More than a Dollar's Worth of Entertainment -- MUCH More!

I rode the Westheimer-82 bus home on Wednesday afternoon. My car was at the dealership-spa and the floor mats were still being shampooed, so I decided to leave it and go public transit. Truly, the one-hour ride eastbound on Westheimer from the Beltway into the Montrose was at once entertaining (damnedest looking people), edifying (small Central American-looking women speaking a language that was NOT Spanish), and fragrant (I kept thinking I was in the Paris subway!). I am reminded how diverse the Houston population is, how one's idea of personal space has to shift on public transit, and how fortunate I am to have a nice car to drive around in on most days.

Like Finding Yourself Suddenly Trapped in the Back of an Abandoned Moving Van. In the Sahara. At Noon.

In case you were wondering what chemically-induced hot flashes feel like, the description above is as close as I can get. I seem also to suffer from a heat-induced variation on Tourette's Syndrome, which causes me to swear uncontrollably, but with great feeling and creativity, for the duration of the event. I usually end with uttering the word, "Nasty!"

Forbidden Love

Maybe it's not so good that I've learned to post photos. But do click on it to get the full effect.

Another startling resemblance. Especially nude.

A special shout-out to Amy Mata for pointing out (GET IT? POINTing out?) that my hairdo makes me look like a kewpie doll. The body isn't quite right -- a couple of bandaids across a purplish chest would do it, though.

The girls and I are fine

Hi, Punks. No problems today. I must be made of naughahyde or something sturdy like that. I wish I had more drama to report, but I've had dental surgery with more pain and complications. This was just no big wup. My friend Amy from Shreveport is on her way to take care of me. We'll probably end up at High Fashion Fabrics to pick out upholstery material for the guest room.

I guess I'm back at work on Monday.

Anyone else see the resemblance?

I think Ann Taylor may be right!

There are THREE Grand Tetons!

So thank goodness I didn't ask for those*. Happily, I have TWO. They are situated in a standard position; they match, from what I can tell given than I'm kind of gauzed-up; and they are of reasonable dimensions. I will refrain from further description since this is a public blog.

Surgery started about 8:30 or so, and we were home at four, I think, although the trip home was fuzzy. I'm pretty sure I didn't drive. It's 7:30 pm now and anesthesia is wearing off nicely. I have pain meds to pop as needed, and I'm starting to get hungry. All is well. I'm home and accepting phone calls and e-mails and all that. Nurse McCabe is doing an excellent job of running up and down the stairs, taking and returning phone calls, providing updates, finding my phone, my blackberry, my glasses, my ice water.

Thank you to everyone for thoughts and prayers and worries. As we learned in January, all of those things have weight and mass, and they HELP.

More later. Oh, for those of you outside the area, a tropical storm is on the way to Houston. EXCITING!!


*Carole Corder was the Grand Teton expert. Her e-mail asked where the third one might be . . .

Give Me a C, a Bouncy C!

Reconstruction tomorrow! Seems like I'm early in the batting order so we'll drag in about 6 am or so. Surgery at 8:30 and I'll be home in the late afternoon if all goes well. Insurance stuff came through THANK GOD so we are calm. All is well. According to the surgeon, I will be sore for a few days but should be back in the office by Monday unless I'm too stoned on pain killers. We'll see.

For those of you who want details, we are replacing the tissue expander that went in after the mastectomy with another permanent implant. Then we are also "redecorating" the other one to match. The surgeon drew all over me this morning; I even have his initials on my chest. He insists that's hospital procedure, but I think he's just tagging me.

To amuse you, here is a photo of me with my new hair -- note the "fauxhawk" on top. That is NATURAL; I have done nothing to get this clever little hair-do. It is very dark brown, almost black, with grey (or, as I prefer to say, "silver") highlights. So much for blonde and curly.

Wish me luck! I'll post an update Wednesday evening for all.

A Story from My Brother, Tommy

I called Tommy on my way to work this morning. He said he was shaving and thinking he would call me once he got in the truck. Then his phone rang. We do that a lot.

He said he was out fixing someone's DSL line the other day, an older couple out in Helotes, and the man invited him in to cool off after he was done. He talked with both of them for a few minutes and learned that the man had retired from the Fort Sam Houston fire department, and the wife said she'd retired from USAA.

He said his mom had worked at USAA and the woman asked what her name was. Tom said, "Well she retired a long time ago, in the late 80s. Her last name was Wente."

The woman got an odd look on her face and said, "Ruth?" You're Ruth Wente's son? I LOVED Ruth!"

He stayed another half hour while she told him what a wonderful person Mom was and how great she was to work with. When he got ready to leave, she said, "I need to hug you," and he said he was kind of sweaty, and she said, "I don't care. I can't let Ruth Wente's son leave without hugging him."

Tom said it made his day to meet that woman and hear about Mom. Mine, too.

Situation Normal: All F.... Up

Is that where the SNAFU acronym comes from? Someone told me that once. The good news is that I'm now six weeks out of chemo, feeling GREAT, getting serious about the gym again, and even have a little hair growing out. (I do look like Grandpa Charlie coming out of the mines, though. My head just looks dirty at this point.)

The bad news is that it looks like things are going south at Aegis very quickly, so I am getting serious about job hunting. I need 1) lots of money; 2) a good insurance plan; 3) a pleasant work environment, close to my house; 4) generous bonus and vacation programs. I will TAKE any two, although #2 is not negotiable.

My expectation is that I'll have a small Aegis severance package, and I can elect COBRA coverage, which is expensive but well worth it in my case, until I land somewhere else. Luckily Chuck has turned 65 and so he can go Medicare, although we are still not sure how one does that. We'll take advice from anyone who understands it.

We have gone on a new austerity program since returning from our Florida trip, business related of course, where we saw alligators, petted a giraffe, went kayaking, ate and drank like royalty, etc. My favorite part was my spa visit, where I had a cocoa-sugar body scrub: First the lady scrubbed me, then put me in the shower. Then she buttered me. I was SOFT.

But the best news, as I say, is that I feel great, and I'm very grateful for that. Having dodged the cancer bullet (well, only grazed), I have an appreciation for what's important, so I'm less panicked about the job thing than I might otherwise be. Funny how that happens.

Going forward, I have a herceptin treatment every four weeks through February. The reconstructive surgery is scheduled for September 12th. (Hooters party to be announced.) Most important, my sure-fire weight loss program works. It has three simple elements: 1) get in the gym six days per week; 2) stop eating like each meal is my last; 3) stay out of the wine. I can drop a half pound a day if I just do those three things. Wonder why they're so hard?

I've received several complaints about lack of regular posting, and I apologize to my audience. I will get back on it. I have some new funny stories which I'll post over the weekend.

Love to all.

Big Shout-Out to Chuck! Happy Birthday!!

This gorgeous set of photos was taken at Mitchell Lake, in the Indian Peaks section of Roosevelt National Forest. Chuck and Terrell are fly-fishing in this incredibly beautiful lake at 10,700 ft. Casey is an intrepid hiker, as you can see. I spent most of my time on the ground next to the dogs.




Yesterday was Chuck's 65th birthday! He is dog-sitting in Colorado, so send him an e-mail at cmccabe@sbcglobal.net and tell him Happy Birthday! He is looking good and feeling good and is redefining 65, you know? On the trek up to the lake last week, he carried my pack, TOO, when I got too tired! Whatta guy!

Claire and Casey

Posing for the camera!

It's a Wrap!

CHEMO CAN KISS IT!! (Thanks to Beth Rutherford for his fantastic photo of my own personal a**. Honest. This is mine. Really.

Last chemo session yesterday! All done with that crap. I still have six months of another infusion therapy (something every three-ish weeks), but it doesn't take all day and I don't get sick or anything. AND MY HAIR WILL GROW BACK!!

Reconstructive surgery is tentatively scheduled for the end of August. The good news is I'm going to have a great new set. The bad news is that I start on an anti-estrogen oral med in three weeks, so you may not be able to see the cha-chas for the beard. Oh, well. Hooters' parties will be announced.

Yesterday WAS a great day, all in all. Claire was my co-pilot and chemo buddy ALL DAY. We left the house at 7:30 and got home about a quarter to six. She also served as pack mule and gopher and did an outstanding job. I think she was also good luck -- the day went very smoothly, no untoward delays or anything. Chemo was running late but they usually are. But the orders were in and they were right and I got the nurse I like best.

How wonderful it was to have Claire with me, and I'm very grateful to have such a fabulous young woman as my part-time daughter. I always have considered myself lucky that her mother was so generous to share with me, and she continues to be a very bright star in my very full life. Her dad likes her, too.

And today of course I feel ok. A little tired but nothing dreadful yet. That's scheduled for Friday through Sunday, if things run true to form.

Thanks to all of my chemo buddies and cheerleaders for getting me this far. When I think about the possessions I treasure most, #1 on the list is the love of my family and friends.

More later!!

Doggie Porn

How do ya like me now?

My friend Patricia came to visit!

We had a really good time. This photo was taken after Casey had snatched the bandanna off my head while I was wrestling on the floor with him. He was very proud of himself and wouldn't give it back to me. While I was upstairs finding another one for me, Chuck tied Casey's trophy around his neck. Then Trisha put one on so we'd all match.

Other People Are Stupid Over Their Dogs Too

My friend Greg Mader and his wife Arlene are goofy about Frances, their Rhodesian ridgeback. She simply would NOT stop peeing on the carpeting, so THEY REPLACED THE DOWNSTAIRS CARPETING WITH TILE, and even chose a special, more expensive grout that wouldn't show dog-pee stains. Frances has now taken to going upstairs to pee; and even though they have BOUGHT HER SPECIAL RUGS TO PEE ON, she continues to move them around and pee wherever she wants. Now they are considering REMODELING options that might keep Frances downstairs.



Therefore, I don't feel so bad about posting these photos of Casey. We took him and the camera down to the bayou to let him romp in the big post-rain puddles a couple of weeks ago. (Be sure and click on these so you can see them full size. I just love his face in these action shots.)
He played with a dog named Beau, and they had a terrific time. When we got back from the bayou, we took him out on the patio and gave him a bath. It was only after we'd finished that we realized we'd locked ourselves out. We had no shoes, no keys, no way to get out of the gate -- just a dog and some shampoo. We also had a rock, which Chuck used to break the kitchen window. Sigh.

Pharmacology Roulette or, Three Days on Diuretics

Chemo #5 came and went on Thursday, May 24. I waited for the inevitable slump and it happened on schedule, the evening of day two following chemo. Unfortunately it hit when we were sitting at Cafe Express Saturday evening with Linda and Terrell after having seen Avenue Montaigne. A darling movie it was, but I was longing to get horizontal all of a sudden and said grumpily, "We have to go walk the dog."

So, we scrambled out of our booth and T&L took us home. I headed to bed and Chuck took Casey out.

I felt like hell, predictably, on Sunday, and on Monday, too, the Memorial Day holiday. But late that evening, I knew I would start to feel better. I didn't. At all.

Tuesday morning was awwwwwwfullll. Previous chemos hadn't felt like this. Lying down was exhausting, and I couldn't stand up for more than a few minutes. Sitting was no help. I was supposed to be back at work, but I was too tired to cry. I even threw up once, and I was really depressed and worried that I was having chemo symptoms from hell.

Then I called the nurses, because Chuck had pointed out that the difference between this chemo and the last one was the diuretic I'd been put on by Dr. Fighter Pilot. I had complained mightily about my puffy feet and ankles and the astonishing weight gain over the previous couple of weeks, so he wrote a scrip for the diuretic. I had started taking it on Friday night.

The good news was that nearly 9 lbs had fallen off of me, but I still felt like I was going to have to get better in order to die.

Long story short: the diuretic had been "parting the Red Sea" strength and had sucked all of the potassium out of me. My blood urea nitrogen levels were elevated, which is what happens when your kidneys aren't working right. Man. That was nasty.

I stopped taking the diuretic and got better in 24 hours. Made it to work for part of the day Friday and was pretty ok by Saturday afternoon.

So, make a note. If you get prescribed a diuretic and you suddenly start feeling like you're having the worst flu ever, CALL THE DOCTOR.

Five down. One to go.

Hello, all. I finished my fifth chemo last night about 8 pm. Only one more, scheduled for June 19th, the Tuesday after Ann's and Mark's wedding. Dr. Fighter Pilot (Valero) said he really didn't like moving dates like that; I pointed out to him that we'd done it before, when he'd had jury duty. He said O.

Yesterday's schedule was done by a person that MD Anderson obviously hired from the airlines. Blood work at 7. Heart scan at 8. Heart scan takes a while, but I had 45 minutes before the third appointment, which should have been enough, but of course the heart scan machine had a broken heart or something. So I had to go climb onto another one and was running behind by the time they were through. I raced to the third appointment. Valero was running only about an hour late. I was out of there by 11:30. My next appointment -- the chemo -- was scheduled for 5 PM!!

Of course all beds are booked all day long. I went on up to infusion and asked to be put on standby. I got in at 4:15. By then my blood pressure was reading a little high (!), so we had to find me a blood pressure med before we could start infusing. I called Chuck at 7:30, and he and Casey picked me up just before 8 pm. Not so bad.

Honestly there must be 50 beds in that unit and they were ALL full, all day. Folks are dying to get in there. ahee. Sorry.

I do sometimes feel like kind of a fraud because I'm not sick, exactly. So many of those people look just awful and you know they feel like hell, too. I'm just annoyed and retaining fluid.

We're coming up to the holiday weekend, and I'll be down and whining by Sunday morning but hopefully bouncing back by Tuesday. Busy days ahead.

Hope all are well. We are fine. Soon there will be hair!!

Ok. Really. Do I have to help the cause of medical science too?

I am planning to back out of the study I said I'd be a part of. Why? Well, because I'm a bad and selfish person. Also, if the study is as loopy as the steps and missteps I've witnessed to get into the damned thing, they'll probably kill me. So here's how it went.

When I first met with the oncologist Dr. Valero back in February, he asked me if I would be part of a study about bone health and cancer drugs and all that. He said it would be a heckuva deal. I'd be put on one or another clinical trial drugs and I wouldn't have to pay for my Actonel the whole time. That appealed to me. Free meds! I says ok, and he says someone will contact me.

Someone called me at work and then mailed me a form. I read the form and called her and asked if she wanted me to mail it back. She said no, that they'd meet with me the next time I was in. So, I stopped taking the Actonel thinking that that drug would be given when I had chemo. But Dr. V didn't mention it at my chemo appointment, and honestly I was so nervous about my first chemo I had forgotten to ask.

When the second chemo came up, three weeks later, I mentioned to Dr. V that I thought I was supposed to be part of a study, and he said, "Yes, they will contact you." But no one did. DITTO at the third appointment.

When I got my appointment schedule in the mail for the fourth chemo, there was a visit to a dental oncologist scheduled for mid-morning. When I got into see Valero, I asked, "Why am I going to a dentist?" He replied, "The study people should have explained that to you," and he went ahead to explain that they'd be checking my teeth to make certain that my teeth-bones (whatever) were in good shape for one of the protocols I'd be on. I said I hadn't heard from anyone and he said he'd find her.

Then a nice person named Kimberly came in and had me sign a bunch of papers. She said I'd be in one of three protocols -- two drugs are administered by mouth, one by infusion. I said fine. I figured if I drew infusion, I'm already having that done every three weeks anyway.

THEN, I get through chemo 4 last Thursday. And then YESTERDAY, when I'm home feeling like someone should have gotten the license number on the garbage truck that ran me down, Kimberly calls to tell me that I've been randomized to the infusion group and that I have an 8 am this morning. I said, "Uh, no. I don't think I'm going to feel like dragging myself in for yet another infusion, given that I'm five days out from chemo. Also, I'm not supposed to get stuck with a needle, even a clean one, this close to chemo, am I?" (I mean, it's in ALL the paperwork. It's why I can't get a pedicure, for God's sake.)

Kimberly says, "Oh, that's ok for this." By which she means, WE can stick you and risk your getting an infection for our study, but your toes have to look like they've been done by a three year old for six months. So I say I can't make it, and she says brightly, "Fine. We can postpone it. I can set you up for Friday." I said I'd call her back.

And when I do call her back, I'm going to tell her I'm not playing unless the infusions can take place during the chemo. First, a "30 minute infusion at MD Anderson" involves driving there, remembering to apply the lidocaine to that the needle doesn't hurt, paying $11 to park the car, having them weigh me, applying more lidocaine, taking my blood pressure, making "oooo" noises about the blood pressure, putting me in a bed, and dripping me with stuff. Oh yes. And remember that NO ONE IS EVER ON TIME at MD Anderson. Each of my chemo sessions has been at least an hour late, if not more. My 10 am appt with the dental oncologist the other day happened at NOON. I'm thinking half a day each time. Good grief. I got a job, people.

So, whattya think? Am I justified here in denying them my body and my time for research? I need an amen.