On Gambling

I told some people I was headed to Shreveport in a few weeks to visit my friend Amy Dodson Mata. One person said, "Ooooh, they have gambling boats there!" Always a draw for most folks.

I have to say, though, that I'm not a big gambler. You can tell if you know me -- I got married for the first time at age 31. I’d had opportunities to take the plunge earlier in my dating career but wasn't brave enough. (Stories on request.)

Not that marrying CRM wasn't a perceived risk, with his "interesting" marital history, but I was pretty sure that the previous ones had worn him out. It was like the faster cheetahs had chased the gazelle for miles and miles across the savannah, nipped at him and caused some light bleeding, and I just laid low in the brush until he ran out of steam, then nabbed him. He's too tired and wounded now to get up and run again. He ain't going anywhere.

But I digress.

Gambling. Once Amy (my sister) and I went to New Orleans for Mother's Day. We went to the gambling boat and she showed me how to play the slot machines. We drank numerous "free" bloody marys, which are a vegetable, by the way. I ended up losing $31 during a long afternoon of putting quarters in machines, getting some out and putting them back in. If you totaled the cost of the drinks, it was probably a wash. But I grieved over that $31 as though it were a lost child.

Understand I walked out of the casino and went directly to Jackson Square, where I paid $45, plus a tip, to a FORTUNE TELLER. She told me all kinds of things that made sense at the time (remember I’d had x number of bloody marys) and that I don’t remember any more, but hey, value perceived.

When I put quarters in a machine, though, I want something to come out of the bottom of it. Every time. A Sprite. A Butterfinger. Not Nothing.

Now, PAULA can gamble. Heavens. I’ve seen her play the dollar slots in Vegas all evening long, coming back up to the hospitality room now and then with cash stuffed into her bra. She’d down a few more glasses of merlot, and head back down. Would say, “Don’t tell Averyt I won money,” over her shoulder. That’s why Chuck calls her Fish.