Oh yeah, don't forget to ask her about the inflatable leg warmers.

I'm kinda sleepy, but she's been wide awake...

Hi, everyone. Claire and Chuck just left to visit Casey for a few minutes. Patty is finally napping after a big of dose of morphine at 3:30 (no visible result...was still making phone calls) then an even bigger dose of vicodin (finally seemed to do the job). Apparently too many wine popsicles creates a high tolerance for pain meds.

She's in room 1126. We keep getting calls for some guy named David. I just yelled at the poor woman who called a few minutes ago (call #4 in 4 minutes) and told her that there's NO DAVID ANYWHERE NEAR HERE, SO DON'T CALL BACK PLEASE, YOU'RE WAKING UP PAT. Then I unplugged the phone. So needless to say, if you call the room, we probably won't answer.

If Pat's feeling good enough, she gets to go home tomorrow. The way the docs are talking, it sounds like that's going to be pretty much up to her. (If you have to spend time in a hospital, this is the place. They're pretty amazing.)

It's all good, and I'm in full nurse/mom/sister/niece mode, ready to fight for justice and pain meds. Oops, I got the order wrong...

Love from Anna and sleepy Pat in room 1126!

More from the waiting room...

Guess what? I just had a Pat-sighting! I was standing in the hall near the elevators, talking on my phone, and I heard a voice say, "hey, there's Annuh..." as a gurney rolled by! Her eyes were focused and everything! She even smiled (sort of). I had enough time to tell her that we love her before the doors closed and she rolled out of my sight.

She looks really, really good.

Love,
Anna

Dr Oates, the plastic surgeon came out - the surgeries are complete, and he said they could not have gone better. We get to see her in a couple hours, and if she's feeling good enough, she may come home tomorrow. There will be some more tests/consultations and diagnoses next week.

Once again, I'm sitting here waitng for you while you are lolly-gaggin' around flat on your back. It's 11:40 and I'm in the surgical waiting room. You could have just called and cancelled your workout tonight -- this tactic is even a bit extreme for you. I'm going to try and stick around until you are out, because I know that in addition to your plastic surgery team, you also have your hair and make-up posse waiting to beautify you before you greet your adoring public. Enjoy your week off next week -- because that's all you get. There's gonna be hell to pay!

With the utmost love and affection,
Shana

It's 10:06, and we just got the first update. They started the surgery at 8:50, and everything is fine. Next update around Noon...

Hi, it's Claire in the waiting room..sitting here with Dad and Anna. The hospital is really nice. We've been told the surgery could take 3.5 to 5 hours, and we will be getting updates at some point, probably in a couple hours. I will report back with any news.

Details about Surgery

Ok. Here we go.

I go in tomorrow morning at 6 a.m., which means that I'll probably go into the OR at 8 or so. Surgery should run about 3-1/2 hours, after which I go to recovery, then to a room later in the day.

Chuck and Claire are taking me, and Anna Garrett is meeting us there. We will be going to the Main Building at MD Anderson Cancer Center. The address, if you need it, is 1515 Holcombe Boulevard, Houston, 77030. The parking garage that's closest to that building is at Entrance 2 off of Holcombe, at an intersection also named MD Anderson Blvd. (No, I didn't think it was a very creative street name either.)

The pre-op sheet says I can eat until midnight. (YAY!) Actually, it says don't eat anything AFTER midnight, but you interpret it your way, and I'll interpret it my way. The sheet also says that I cannot wear any make-up tomorrow morning, but they may want to re-think that in my case. If I'm out cold and not wearing ANY makeup under those lights, they may perform an autopsy instead of a mastectomy.

Claire will have my cell phone -- 713 819 0334 -- for those who want updates, but we'll also post here. She'll have her laptop and can log on, so that you can find out where I am and how fabulously I'm doing. Chuck and Claire will be in the waiting room on Floor 5 near Elevator E during the surgery, at least that's where the sheet says they're supposed to be.

I'm already sick of pink ribbons, offered to me over and over by well-meaning volunteers who also insist on giving me chocolate. Please. Have they SEEN my butt? Why would anyone do that?

Gifts? Any extra vycodin would be GREAT.

Today -- Surgery minus 2 days

Over the weekend I changed my mind about the surgery--decided not to have it, you know. But apparently nobody paid any attention.

Went in this morning for pre-surgery appointments with the breast surgeon, then on to the anesthesiology consultation, then to have blood drawn and chest x-rays taken. Verrry uneventful. Lots of sitting around.

Tomorrow morning I meet the plastic surgeon at 8 and then go to lymphocyntigraphy to be injected with blue dye. Who thought of all this?

I will also find out tomorrow where I am in the batting order. I have to call between three and five to find out when I'm scheduled on Wednesday. The anesthesiologist--not mine but some other guy--says the surgeries will take about eight hours. Yeeeesh! What am I going to DO for all that time?

My Village Grows

It takes a village to navigate through breast cancer, and as Shana Ross says, mine is populated by a bunch of pissed off, menopausal women. So watch out!

My village continues to grow. Claire (neither menopausal or pissed off, but certainly a standard bearer) arrives Tuesday.

Shana will accompany me to the plastic surgery appointment, and I cannot say how grateful I am for that without getting all misty. Her goal is to get me back into the gym as quickly and as safely as possible. Note to self: My party is finally over.

Anna Garrett will be my in-hospital person, and she can be the Queen of Mean, should that be necessary. She has a lot of experience in that field, and I treasure her friendship and her time.

I should be home on Friday, and Tim Wilson, Claire's beau, arrives Friday, along with my sister Amy. That will be a great weekend. They'll all have a good time while I zone out on pain killers.

Hopefully Amy will stay until Carole arrives from downtown Kettle Falls. She gets to stay a WHILE!

New Direction on Upcoming Surgery

DAMN! No free tummy tuck after all. Guess I'll have to do it the old-fashioned way. After reading about the recovery from TRAM flap reconstructive surgery, I thought, "Hmmm. That procedure will most certainly totally f*** up my stomach muscles. Wonder what that will do to my crooked back?" And having learned from Shana Ross over the last year-and-a-half, in spades, that abdominal muscles have everything to do with back strength, I thought I'd ask.

When I told the surgeon I have scoliosis, he said, "Hmmm. We could probably do it, but we also don't know exactly how you are put together until we get in there. We might do something that could make your back pain worse, and we couldn't fix it." At that point, all of us (the surgeon, Chuck, the surgeon's fellow, and I) gave out with another collective, "Hmmm," and agreed that we'll do it a more straightforward way: simple mastectomy followed by tissue conservation procedure and reconstruction later on.

This also means less time in the hospital and a faster recovery time, hopefully. Chuck and I are pretty comfortable with this option, so we've decided to quit reading stuff. Some of it can give you the willies! But if you want to read about it, a great source is www.mdanderson.org

My surgeons are Dr. Rosario Hwang for oncology and Dr. Scott Oates for reconstruction. If you've seen either of them on wanted posters let me know, but I think if they're on faculty at MD Anderson, they're probably not total losers.

Bulletins as they occur. I'm still wanting more medical jokes. Come on, folks. You're not trying.

Tip of the Hat to Kerry!

Many thanks to Kerry Malone! She has helped name the blog!!

You know, Kerry, you should do something with words or writing or communication for a living. You could earn hundreds of dollars a year!

Also, thank you for the great stamps and stamp-pad for my birthday. I have used the ones that say "Shit"and "When Hell Freezes Over" twice each TODAY! Very handy.

Claire and Tim

Here's gorgeous Claire and her gorgeous boyfriend Tim Wilson. He is as nice and as smart as he is handsome, so that's a plus. Also, he can fix computers. Over the PHONE.

Call for Medical Jokes

Here's one from Tommy. Always a winner.

A guy takes his parrot to the vet because he couldn't wake him up. The vet checks out the bird and tells the man his pet is dead. Guy asks him if he is absolutely sure, that he may like a second opinion. The vet brings a cat in and the cat sniffs up and down the bird and walks off. Vet says yep he's dead. Guy says, you call that a second opinion? I'm still not satisfied. Vet brings in a labrador retriever, the dog sniffs up and down the bird and walks away. The vet tells the guy, look I'm really sorry, but your parrot is definitely dead. Guy finally accepts his bird is gone and ask how much he owes the vet. Vet tells him $250. "Just to tell me that my bird is dead?" Vet says, "Well you're the one who wanted a cat scan and a lab report!"

Thoughts about Heaven

Tommy says he's figured out how he and Cheryl can be together in the afterlife, given that she's a very good person and will go to her reward while he will be punished for his many sins. He says that God should give Cheryl the job of taking care of the small children who are in heaven. That's her favorite thing; she is happiest when she is surrounded by them, feeding them, entertaining them, and watching them play. So that will be her happy enternity in Heaven, and Tommy will be right beside her, since that same scenario is his idea of Hell.

Stacy says that taking on her stepdaughter's two baby boys should put her right in the HOV lane for heaven, with no slowing down or paying tolls. "And," she says, "when I get there, I want a management position."

You know it was a good party if you wake up the next morning on a sofa, covered with coats, and there's a chihuahua asleep on your chest

We had a great time at Tommy's in San Antonio for New Year's Eve. We'll post photos when he sends some over. I just love my family. So fortunate to have them. Here's to a wonderful year for all of us.